100 THINGS ABOUT SINGLES PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE. THINGS WE MUST DO AS SINGLES TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL COURTSHIP, ENGAGEMENT AND MARRIAGE.

Worldly engagement differs from Christian engagement. The unbeliever is full of pretence and falsehood. Thus, the young man can go to any length as long as he succeeds in capturing the lady he desires. In most cases, worldly engagement is motivated and propelled by lust and infatuation. It is like a dicey game and the young man or lady can break off any moment with little or no concern for the second party involved. On the other hand, Christian engagement must be handled with godly fear. It must not be a do or die affair to win the love of a particular young man or lady. Lying is sin against God. You must not tell lies to win him or her and then displease God who is the only person that can consummate the relationship. “Lie not one to another seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in the image of him that created him”. Colossians 3:9-10 In as much as you have your part to play to improve or upgrade yourself to be acceptable in one way or the other, you must avoid pretence or lying. At the same time during the early stage of the engagement or even courtship, you have to apply wisdom and sometimes be diplomatic in your responses to avoid misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Try not to present yourself as what you are not or rather beyond your capability because it will backfire in due course and this causes crisis and distrust in relationship. If the young man or lady is indeed God’s will for you, he or she will accept you just as you are. It is one of the acid test of true love. “ Let not your good be evil spoken of.” Romans 14:16 CONTROL INTIMACY The belief or conception held by most single in courtship such as “it doesn’t matter”, “I am matured”, “ I know myself”, “God is the final Judge”, “What anybody feels or says is immaterial”, has in most cases led to some ugly and regrettable experience. This ends up terminating the relationship or puts the parties involved in disarray. You are saved to save others. Thus, don’t destroy the faith of any child of God for any reason. Evem thugh your relationship will certainly culminate in marriage, you must be disciplined enough not to be misunderstood by any other person, that you are into immoral relationship, already, before your wedding. This has destroyed the faith of some new converts or young believers. Secondly, extreme intimacy can lead can lead to lust, then petting, and if caution is not taken, ends up in premarital sex. This has a step by step growth. No matter how spiritual you are, if you don’t control your intimacy with an opposite sex, you will certainly fall into sin. To be précised, your level of control of intimacy in your relationship while in courtship is a mark of your level of spirituality. Learn to differentiate when lust rather than love, sets in while in courtship and then take steps to redress it. We have received calls from a pastor who mistakenly hadsex with a lady that he is in courtship with. We have also received calls from alady who is engaged with a pastor and they also had sex while in courtship. All these are matured believers who fell into the sin of premarital sex while in courtship due to lack of control of intimacy. Once sin enters into a relationship, no matter the level, distrust and uncertainty sets in. if proper care is not taken, a God divine designed relationship gets broken and the courtship collapses. Thus, the wedding prcess is terminated due to indiscipline by the singles involved. “Conscience, I say, not thine own, but of the other; for why is my liberty judged of another man’s conscience? Why am I evil spoken of for that which I give thanks? Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” PRAY TOGETHER Someone said; “Sin would keep you away from the bible and the bible will keep you away from sin.” This is also applicable to prayers. When you and your fiancé/fiancée spend time occasionally to study God’s word and pray together concerning your life pursuit and your wedding ahead, it will keep you spiritually alive to overcome temptation of lust towards one another. The devil is out to destroy true relationships with the ultimate goal to hinder the wedding. Singles in courtship should have a fixed day every week to observe fasting and prayer. This increases love trust and commitment to the marriage. Prayer willdismantle all obstacles on your road to the wedding. CONTROL YOUR TONGUE “And the tongue is a fire. A world of iniquity, so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell”. James 3:6. What you utter from your mouth to either your fiancé/fiancée, friends, in-laws, or even local church members can destroy your courtship to your ignorance. Your response of reaction to issues, can get your partner offended and lose interest in the relationship and ultimately backout. If you must hav a successful courtship period that will lead into marriage, then you must control your tongue, not just towards your fiancé/fiancée, but to everyone, generally. This is because what you say, in one way or the other, will get to the hearing of your partner without your knowledge. He/she might conclude that you are immature, carnal or indiscipline and can resolve to terminate the relationship before it is too late. CONTROL YOUR TEMPER “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27 Some ladies have called to complain that their fiancé is too bossy, jealous and possessive. As such, they are seeking a way to break the relationship before it is too late. You should also seek ways to control yourself when offended. Learn to accommodate one another. A lady has complained that she doesn’t know how to cope with the relationship with her fiancé who easily gets provoked and walks out on her. A pastor has engaged three sisters, but none of the dating relationships, has worked out. In all the cases, the ladies invoved backed out and broke the relationship, one of the reason being the young man’s temper, bossy and possessive tendency. A young man has also complained that he had to break an engagement with a lady because she easily gets annoyed and he cant marry such a person. For you to have a successful courtship, you must control your temper, be accommodating and considerate. THE ENGAGEMENT FACTOR “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let everyman be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” James 1:9 Although it is easier to get into the engagement than to maintain the courtship period, it is not easy to get into the right engagement. Some ladies are about 30 to 35 years and are requesting for any brother to just make a step of proposal so that they may agree, yet, nothing seems to be happening in spite of the prayers. Most of them caused the problem they face now with their tongue and response towards early proposals. Some ladies were so proud and choosy when young. They lambasted any brother that ever proposed to them and relegated to nothing any brother in their local church, believing God for a rich, or highly educated, or influential brother somewhere else. What you say concerning a brother or all brothers in your church will certainly get to their knowledge and hinder further proposals. If you don’t love, or you are not convinced of a young who proposed to you, do not abuse him or tell him that he is below your standard. In all humility, tell him that you are sorry and that you are n ot convinced of the relationship. Don’t destroy your future by the way you handle today. As a young man, before you ever propose to a lady, make sure you are convinced. You must have apent time to pray and then be sure that you are not under lust of infatuation. Don’t go for a trial. To your surprise, a lady you thought will not agree, will say yes. Engagement is not easy to break because, you will not only offend or disappoint the lady, but also destroy her faith. Some ladies can even go to the extent of terminating a young man’s life if the devil takes over. To be brief, young men should be careful before making any proposal while ladies no matter their age, should handle every proposal with care not to offend any young man in their response whether poor or rich, below age, or over-aged, illiterate or educated, dirty or clean, carnal or spiritual.